“Show me a perfectionist, and I’ll show you a miserable person”
Deepak Chaube
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is defined as a refusal to accept any standard short of perfect. That sounds so good. After all, what can be wrong with expecting the best from yourself and others.
On the surface of it, being a perfectionist may seem harmless and infact something to strive for. Most perfectionists (I can personally vouch for this) are reluctant against the idea of giving up their habit of perfectionism. They suffer from a false belief that being a perfectionist is what makes them excel in their career, in their relationships and in other spheres of their life. That perfect photograph or that perfect skin or a perfect presentation at work, what can be wrong with striving for the best.
But in reality perfectionism can become a deep desire to avoid mistakes, errors and failures.
Perfectionism leads to procrastination
David Bayles and Ted Orland in their book, Art and Fear share a wonderful story:
“[A] ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality. His procedure was simple: on the final day of class he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the “quantity” group: fifty pound of pots rated an “A”, forty pounds a “B”, and so on. Those being graded on “quality”, however, needed to produce only one pot — albeit a perfect one — to get an “A”. Well, came grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the “quantity” group was busily churning out piles of work – and learning from their mistakes — the “quality” group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay.”
[ A variant of this story is also present in Atomic Habits by James Clear]
As this story demonstrates perfectionism is an excuse to never finish anything or in some cases not even get started.
Effects of perfectionism on your mental health
While not a psychological disorder in itself, perfectionism is linked to anxiety and other mental health issues such as obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Not only that, perfectionism may actually shorten your life. A 2009 study found that people who tested high for perfectionism had a greater chance of dying in the following few years than those who did not.
Perfectionists tend to have a fixed rather than a growth mindset. People with growth mindsets believe in their ability to learn and grow and hence find it easier to face setbacks. Failure is not tied with their sense of self-worth. On the other hand perfectionists with a fixed mindset believe people are born with natural talent and abilities. They set exceedingly high standards and strive to avoid failures at all costs. Facing failure can shake-up their sense of self-worth and how they see themselves.
Are you a perfectionist?
Simply having high standards doesn’t make someone a perfectionist. Some of the common signs of being a perfectionist are:
- Excessive and compulsive need for order and neatness
- Being overly concerned over mistakes and regretting making them even after everyone moved on
- Being very sensitive to criticism and avoiding all forms of feedback
- Beating yourself up and self-criticizing for the smallest setbacks
- Having unrealistically high standards for your loved ones and other important people in your life
- One of the hallmarks of perfectionism is a continuous state of anxiety that the perfectionist suffers from. Perfectionism and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. Since perfectionists see life through the lens of extremes-either good or bad, victory or failure, they tend to suffer from anxiety. Such thinking leaves then with no room for making mistakes or roadblocks that are so frequent in everyday life.
How to mitigate perfectionism?
Perfectionism always masks something deeper beneath it. Ask yourself what is it that drives this desire for perfection:
a. Are you afraid of criticism?
b. Has a past loss been hindering your progress?
c. Do you really think that it’ll be flawless in the 1st time?
Find the cause and make amends with it. We are not born with perfectionism. It has been conditioned into our existence. As a child if you wanted to walk perfectly the first time you tried, you would still be crawling on all fours. Other childhood endeavors of trying to ride a bike, skateboard, play a musical instrument required us to be less than perfect, at the beginning before we saw any progress.
Understand the value of good enough
The business world should teach you the value of good enough. It doesn’t have to be perfect but if it is good enough and provides people with value, they will use it. Look at the example of
Google: The mammoth giant that we see today started out with a note that it is a research in progress
Facebook: Started out as a student directory featuring photos and basic information
Like these companies you would get a lot more results in the real world if you bring a MVP to market instead of waiting for the product to be perfect before letting the market know.
Conclusion
Being a perfectionist will slowly kill you. You’ll start nothing and even if you start you won’t end it. Overthinking will consume you and your snail pace will eventually come to a halt. End this perfectionism and adopt the art of creation, forward momentum and progress. Even if you think you have a perfect plan, it must be turned into imperfect work before you can achieve your vision.
Form an image of the ultimate you that you want to be and then going forward see that all your actions reflect this. The underlying aim is not that you are perfect today or tomorrow but that you are better today than you were yesterday.
The quicker we accept that the point of life is progress and not perfection the better off we will be. Life is short and if life is short then moving quickly matters. Launch the product. Write that book. Ask the question. Take that chance. You won’t need the outcome to be guaranteed.
Just make a move and remember that refinement is much better than being perfect.
Showing up at regular intervals, without worrying about results — will eventually lead to better results. Instead of trying to be a perfectionist, try learning from your mistakes to become an expert.
