Introduction
What do the following personalities have in common? The cricketer Sachin Tendulkar. The athlete Usain Bolt. The wizard Harry Potter. The archer Arjun from the Mahabharat. Luke Skywalker from Star Wars.
It is a bit difficult to guess, so let us look at the collage below for a clue:
Sachin Tendulkar had Ramakant Achrekar who built the foundation of his cricketing career.
Usain Bolt had Glen Mills who not only noted his natural talent but also remedied Bolt’s poor technique, that had resulted in a disappointing performance at the Athens Olympics.
Harry Potter had the guidance, wisdom and inspiration of Dumbledore. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live”, he tells young Harry who is obsessing over his reflection in the mirror of Erised; warning in about the dangers of wishful thinking.
Then we have the master Yoda who trains Luke Skywalker in the ways of the force. Who can forget the iconic line about the importance of commitment and giving it your all.
Finally we come to the greatest mentor-mentee relationship of all times. None other than between Lord Krishna and Arjun. The lessons and guidance provided by Lord Krishna right in midst of the battle forms the Bhagvad Gita one of the most influential Hindu scriptures.
Where Does The Term Mentor Come From?
The word “Mentor” is inspired from the Greek mythology. During the 10 year Trojan War – yes the one that had the famous wooden horse – the king of Ithaca Odysseus , left his wife Penelope and son Telemachus behind to go to fight in the war. He delegated the care of the household, to his old friend Mentor and placed Telemachus under his care.
The Odyssey and Iliad – ancient Greek epic poems capture the story of Odysseus. They tell us about the war which lasted 10 years and his journey back home which lasted an additional 10 years. While all this was happening, young nobleman started wooing and putting pressure on Odysseus’ wife Penelope. The were hoping that she would marry one of them. Marrying the queen of Ithaca would make them the king and also deny Telemachus his birth right to the throne
Under such trying circumstances, the person that Odysseus had chosen to take care of his household must have leapt to his defense and provided Telemachus with the right guidance to defeat the suitors and nobleman eyeing the throne. Right?
Well no! Unfortunately Odysseus had chosen to delegate the guardianship of his son to the wrong person. Mentor was not able to provide any guidance or advice to Telemachus, who ended up being an insecure, anxious and under-confident young man.
Luckily for Telemachus and Odysseus, Athena the goddess of wisdom decided to favour them. She appeared before young Telemachus and offered him guidance and wisdom. The way she did this was by shape-shifting into the form of Mentor. With Athena’s guidance, Telemachus was able to kill his mother’s suitors and establish his authority.
Because of Mentor’s relationship with Telemachus, as well as the disguise Athena took to provide encouragement and guidance to Telemachus, the name Mentor has been adopted to describe someone who takes a less-experienced person under their tutelage and imparts wisdom and shares knowledge.
How to select a mentor
“A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you.”
Bob Proctor
Mentoring is a process of engagement. No one can mentor without connection.
In the book, The Mentor’s Guide, the author describes seven vital elements that underpin the learner-centered mentoring paradigm:
- “Reciprocity” – Each partner assumes responsibility for tasks in the relationship. They both gain from working together.
- “Learning” – Learning lies at the core of mentoring. Mentors must develop insight into how their protégés learn and how to promote learning.
- “Relationship” – Healthy connections between two people encourage mentoring relationships, but they take time to develop.
- “Partnership” – Mentors and those they mentor must honor each other and respect the commitments they make.
- “Collaboration” – Both partners must work together to strengthen their relationship and share what they know. They must agree on what the protégé wants to learn and how they can together achieve those objectives.
- “Mutually defined goals” – Mentors and “mentees” must define their goals at the inception of the program and continually evaluate them during their relationship.
- “Development” – Mentoring seeks to boost mentees’ acquisition of knowledge and skills that add to their capabilities.
As a protégé remember that mentoring is a collaborative process. Each partner must assume responsibility for certain parts of a mentoring relationship.
While this instance has stuck with me, the one that had an even larger impact happened during my academic life. And unlike the other instance when advice or guidance was offered, on this instance the only words spoken, were words of encouragement.
Right Words of Encouragement
While in most cases, a mentor-mentee relationship needs time to flourish, there are cases where the right words of guidance can have an immediate impact.
A few years back, I was preparing for a competitive entrance exam, to secure admission in one of the best institutes in India. When you appear for an exam like this, you are competing against some of the best minds in the country, for a very limited number of seats. I was feeling demotivated in my ability to crack the exam and secure admission in the institute of my choice.
I reached out to one of the professors and told her about my situation. After listening to me patiently, she didn’t tell me to study differently, pull myself up or a 100 other things she could have said. Instead in her quite voice, filled with conviction, she said, ” For almost 20 years, I have seen a lot of students come and go. I can judge with fair accuracy who is capable clearing the exam and who isn’t. I can say with surety that you are capable of successfully cracking the exam”
Those few sentences, coming from an experienced professor made all the difference. It allowed me to see within myself a capability that was earlier almost invisible to me. I excelled in the exam and ranked in the top 0.1 percent of the candidates.
I don’t know what value you can place on it, but the right words spoken at the right time from a person who has been through it before…can make all the difference in the world. And speaking those right words at the right time is what a Mentor does.
Challenges in mentoring relationship
Both parties in a mentoring relationship must maintain their distinct identities. As mentors gain a sense of their own and the other person’s journeys, they can compare where both stand on their respective timelines, understand how they differ, and assess how this affects what protégés want to learn. Mentors must learn what actions to avoid in order not to harm the relationship.
People often assume they understand others. Mentors need to remain cognizant about what differentiates them from their mentees. Mentors should consider their protégés’ experience to gain a better sense of who they are. This equips mentors to explore their assumptions and to consider anything that might affect the mentoring relationship. Mentors should identify gaps in their understanding about their mentees and ask questions to fill those gaps.
When you can’t find a mentor
Truth be told, not every budding cricketer will find a coach like Ramakant Achrekar and not every Usain Bolt will find a Glenn Mills. Finding a mentor or coach, who can see the talent in you, that is invisible to the entire world including you, is a rarity. Even rarer is the willingness of this mentor to then dedicate his time and effort, to hone your skills and get the best out of you. A lot of stars need to be aligned for this effective match to happen.
So what do the rest of the people do, who can’t find a good mentor to provide them with guidance. In such cases the best mentor that will teach you a lot is taking action.
You don’t need a mentor, you need action.
Naval Ravikant
The role a mentor plays is not only motivating you but also providing you with guidance and advice that allows you to leap frog a lot of the competition who are going down the same or the wrong path.
But first hand experience and learning for one’s mistakes, will provide you with a mastery that is etched in your consciousness. This is better when compared to the verbal guidance one might have received.
Conclusion
The best course of action in life is to find the right mentor at the right time. This will speed up your journey towards your goal. But if you can’t find the right person at an appropriate time, the next best course of action for you is to take action. Learn and course-correct as you go along the path your goal. It is likely that you will arrive at your goal, a bit later than someone who had the guidance and map provided by a mentor. But having arrived, you will come with experiences and learnings that the other person might not have.
Most importantly, once you have succeeded remember to pass along your lessons and blessings to someone less fortunate. Try being the mentor or coach that you never had, and help someone else’s talent shine.
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